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Stupidest article I’ve read in ages. I’m guessing that the person who wrote it hits the gym the first of the year for about a week, and then visits every couple months to train arms and chest. They certainly don’t have any idea what they’re talking about when it comes to being this size. Each point made was more ridiculous than the last. What does being muscular have to do with being gentle? Nothing. What does being muscular have to do with not wanting sex? Totally nothing, in fact it’s just the opposite. Muscle makes your penis look smaller? Not!
So the health of the vast majority rapidly declined, and with it their intelligence and happiness. The immediate cause of Eupodia extinction, however, was neither kerosene toxicity nor nervous tentacle syndrome — it was the discovery of birth control. Suddenly freed from the need to provide for thousands of hungry beaks following a single encounter, the pusses became obsessed with group sex. Venereal disease devastated the entire population, tragically targeting precisely those pusses made sexy by their hobby of tentacle clinging.